I Wish I Was "Called"

I often ponder on a question that I think many people wrestle with: "What am I suppose to do with my life?" In the christian world, we refer to this as being "called". Being "called"(I'm going to stop using quotations because I think you get the picture) has turned into an esteemed level of christianity. You are something special if you have been called to do something. I remember having friends that would tell me they were called to go to other parts of the world, or others who were called to start different local ministries. Wow! It always sounded so exciting and I was so happy for them. But then I got to thinking, "What am I called to do?" I mean, if God can call my friends, why can't he call me? People would ask me what I was wanting to do and I didn't know what to tell them. I didn't feel called to anything specific. I didn't have any glamorous calling. What was wrong with me, God? I knew I wanted people to know God, but that was about it. And that doesn't sound that glamorous. I mean, every christian wants that, right!? I spent a lot of my time coming up with cool things that I wanted to do and would tell people those so I would at least sound cool, but it was all a lie. The honest truth is, I had no idea what I wanted to do(I still don't). I would get frustrated with God. I didn't feel called to be a youth pastor, but I did it because I wanted to do ministry. Maybe if I did ministry, then I would feel called. I loved the students I was able to serve, but I still never felt the call. Looks like I wasn't cut out for ministry. If you have to be called to be in the ministry then it just wasn't for me.

I began thinking about Stephen, whose story is found in Acts 6 and 7. There was grumbling amongst believers about some widows being fed and some not. The Apostles decided it was better that they stick to teaching the word of God instead of running a food program. They decided to send 7 men to be in charge of serving food(that doesn't sound too glamorous to me). Stephen was chosen as one of those men. He wasn't called to anything. The apostles saw a need and were looking for someone to meet that need. The focal point of Stephens' story was never on his call(what he did), but rather on who he was. He was a man full of faith and the Holy Spirit(Acts 6:5). Our culture puts a lot of significance on positions, titles, social and economical status, etc. Stephen didn't seem to care about any of that. He was not apart of the "cool kids", getting to go around teaching people about God's word. Instead, he got sent to help with a food program. Yet he was able to do many signs and miracles amongst the people he was sent to feed. I began to think that the call doesn't matter. The heart of the matter is not wrapped up in a call but rather a relationship with Jesus. Out of that relationship flows things that far surpass any significance of a title or call.

Recently I moved to Denver to help start a faith community. I never felt a "call" to go. I never heard an audible voice, saw a picture in my dream, or anything glamorous like that. But what I did have was a desire. As the apostle Paul longed to go to Rome, so have I always longed to go to Colorado. Was it selfish of me to want to move to Colorado? Maybe. But then I would argue it was selfish of Paul to want to go to Rome. On a deeper level, I have always been willing to go wherever(and I mean wherever. I almost went to Morocco to help a missionary reach lost people, but it just didn't pan out), and I still have that willingness. The difference between me and Paul, well one of the many, was I didn't feel like God was keeping me from Colorado. There was a need for people to come, and I said yes to that need. It's not glamorous or world renown, but God has been doing awesome things here. Do I feel called here? No, not really. But I love the city and am growing to love the people within it. I believe God has directed my steps, and he has proven to me that He's been with me throughout this journey. In fact, I think I have something better than being "called". On this journey, I have remained in Christ(not always faithfully or perfectly), and He has remained in me(always faithfully and perfectly).

My advice to those who don't feel called? Be faithful where you are and in the season you are in. Continue to grow in the grace and knowledge of Christ. He hasn't forgotten you, nor has he left you. Rest in Him. If you see an opportunity and feel good about it, say yes.