I'm Looking Up

I was cleaning my room the other day (rare occurrence) and stumbled upon an old love letter from one of my exes. I began to read it and smirked at the sappiness and strong emotion that was portrayed in the letter. At first I thought it was comical how drastically our emotions can change. The more I read the more I began to think how preposterous this letter was. Every word on that page meant nothing because now I can see that they are empty.

I started thinking about our culture right now and how empty love has become. Over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Love has become a feel good, in the moment idea. There is no “til death do us part”, now it is “til this gets too hard”. We all worry about how we are treated, and in doing this forget what love is all about. Love is not about us. Love is about the other person, but we get so focused on ourselves and our needs that we neglect the person we are with. This doesn’t just happen romantically, but even in our everyday interactions with people. If everyone started focusing on loving each other then this problem wouldn’t exist. No one wants to be the first to put another above them because that risks the chance of not being loved, or at least not feeling it ourselves.

As I begin to think about this and reflect on my personal experience, I came to a point where I didn’t believe in love. I would tell people that I don’t think love can really happen between two individuals. My motto became that of Adam Levine’s song payphone, “If happy ever after did exist. I would still be holding you like this. All those fairytales are full of it. One more frickin’ love song I’ll be sick.” It’s something we all want but won’t get. It’s a hopeful idea that has shown itself hopeless in the world around us. But maybe we all get to this point. Maybe we don’t believe in love until we experience it. Then I realize I’ve been looking horizontally for an answer that I can only find by looking up.

As much as my parents love me and have cared for me throughout the years (and continue to do so), they can never do enough or give enough. A wife or husband, as much as they love you, can never love you enough. You can fill in the blank with the person who loves you the most or who you feel loved by the most, but it still isn’t enough. At some point, they will let you down. At some point, they won’t be able to be there for you. Because they aren’t perfect and can’t give you everything you need. They can’t give you what only God can give you. God’s love for us never changes and it never fails. I’m tired and burnt out on chasing the love and affection of people. I’m tired of expecting from people what people can’t give and rightfully so. I need a love that never fails. I need a love that covers me. I need a love that never gives up and stays committed to me no matter what happens in life. I need a love that believes in me and hopes for me and sees good in me when I don’t.

That’s why today I decided, I’m Looking Up.

What is My Meaning in Life?

I have been reading the book Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl. My sister gave it to me and said it was one of the best books she’s ever read, so naturally I decided I would read it. It’s a good book and just so happens to be the source of influence for my blog today.

The author is a Jew that was in a concentration camp. He writes of his time there and comes up with 3 things he believes people find meaning in, which I have written about below.

1. People find meaning by creating a work or doing a deed.

” Frankl said the thing that kept him alive was that he felt he needed to live so he could write his book and tell the world about his idea of logotherapy.  This source of meaning also includes finding purpose in a career or job.

2. People find meaning by experiencing something, encountering someone or love.

Frankl writes, “No one can become fully aware of the very essence of another human being unless he loves him. By his love he is enabled to see the essential traits and features in the beloved person; and even more, he sees that which is potential in him.”

3. People find meaning in the attitude we take toward unavoidable suffering.

The author also states, “We may also find meaning in life even when confronted with a hopeless situation, when facing a fate that cannot be changed. For what then matters is to bear witness to the uniquely human potential at its best, which is to transform a personal tragedy into a triumph, to turn one’s predicament into a human achievement.”

I would say we all experience these 3 ideas in everyday life. We all want a career, someone to love, to experience beauty in creation, and we all have to go through some form of suffering. But I believe we find the meaning of our lives in a specific one.

If you have ever seen the show suits, you know the person Harvey. Harvey has a lot of pillars that are important to him. He values family, trust and many other things, BUT Harvey’s life is centered on winning. He lives out of the playbook of Drake, “All I do is win, win, win, no matter what.” Although he values many things, the meaning of his life is winning at his job.

Like Harvey, I think we value many things. But there is one thing that our lives are centered on and gives us the will to keep pressing on. Frankl states that he felt the need to share his idea of logotherapy with the world and that is what gave him the purpose and will to survive the concentration camp. I began to think about my life and what my meaning was. Through much prayer, journaling, meditating, and talking with people I have come to realize what my meaning is. As Frankl states in the book, “As long as one has a why to live for, he can make it through any how.”

I encourage you to go on this journey. When everything is stripped away, what is it that gets you excited? What gets you up in the morning? Take time to think about it and maybe even journal or write things down. Talk to people, hash it out, and get an answer to the question that I think we all wonder about at some point:

What is my meaning in life?