I was cleaning my room the other day (rare occurrence) and
stumbled upon an old love letter from one of my exes. I began to read it and
smirked at the sappiness and strong emotion that was portrayed in the letter. At
first I thought it was comical how drastically our emotions can change. The
more I read the more I began to think how preposterous this letter was. Every
word on that page meant nothing because now I can see that they are empty.
I started thinking about our culture right now and how empty
love has become. Over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Love has become a feel good,
in the moment idea. There is no “til death do us part”, now it is “til this
gets too hard”. We all worry about how we are treated, and in doing this forget what love is all about. Love is not
about us. Love is about the other person, but we get so focused on ourselves
and our needs that we neglect the person we are with. This doesn’t just happen
romantically, but even in our everyday interactions with people. If everyone
started focusing on loving each other then this problem wouldn’t exist. No one
wants to be the first to put another above them because that risks the chance
of not being loved, or at least not feeling it ourselves.
As I begin to think about this and reflect on my personal experience,
I came to a point where I didn’t believe in love. I would tell people that I
don’t think love can really happen between two individuals. My motto became
that of Adam Levine’s song payphone, “If happy ever after did exist. I would
still be holding you like this. All those fairytales are full of it. One more
frickin’ love song I’ll be sick.” It’s something we all want but won’t get. It’s
a hopeful idea that has shown itself hopeless in the world around us. But maybe
we all get to this point. Maybe we don’t believe in love until we experience
it. Then I realize I’ve been looking horizontally for an answer that I can only
find by looking up.
As much as my parents love me and have cared for me throughout
the years (and continue to do so), they can never do enough or give enough. A
wife or husband, as much as they love you, can never love you enough. You can
fill in the blank with the person who loves you the most or who you feel loved
by the most, but it still isn’t enough. At some point, they will let you down.
At some point, they won’t be able to be there for you. Because they aren’t
perfect and can’t give you everything you need. They can’t give you what only
God can give you. God’s love for us never changes and it never fails. I’m tired
and burnt out on chasing the love and affection of people. I’m tired of
expecting from people what people can’t give and rightfully so. I need a love
that never fails. I need a love that covers me. I need a love that never gives
up and stays committed to me no matter what happens in life. I need a love that
believes in me and hopes for me and sees good in me when I don’t.
That’s why today I decided, I’m Looking Up.
