Awkward Silence

I recently received free tickets to go see the Colorado Rockies play the Arizona Diamondbacks. My friend and I both received 2 tickets, so we set out to find people to go with us. There was this one guy that I really wanted to see it with so I invited him, but he had things going on and wasn’t able to make it. I was bummed because I thought this was a good chance to get to spend some time with a new friend.

This happens to us all more times than not. We invite people to something but they have plans or can’t make it. If you boil it down, people are just busy. All of us are busy. Life has this way of making our lives busy or maybe we feel accomplished for having busy lives and so we add things to our plate. Whatever the reason is, life is busy.

I was thinking about this as I was doing my daily devotion routine. You know, that list of things you do so you can feel close to God and better about yourself. Most of the time, if I’m honest, it just becomes a checklist of things to do in the morning. One morning I had finished reading my devotional book, listened to some worship music, wrote in my journal and ended in prayer. As I was ending in prayer I had this thought that I should just take time to wait and listen.

Without realizing it, the busyness of life had crept into my relationship with God. I became “busy” doing all these things to get close to God when all the while I think He just wanted me to sit, wait and be there. There are a lot of times where I am with friends or doing something but my head isn’t there. I’m thinking about things I have to do the next day or what needs to get done. The whole time I spending with God, I wasn’t really there.

I have started to take 10 minutes, whether in the morning or to take a break from the busy day I’m having, to just sit and listen. I try to keep my mind from wandering to other things and focus on God. At first, it is really awkward. I should be doing something with my life other than sitting here in silence for 10 minutes! But as I begin to take time to sit and listen, I notice the worries and stresses of the day begin to subside and its like I can see in my mind Jesus being elevated above everything else going on. And it’s in that awkward silence that I sense peace, comfort and dare I say, nearness to Jesus.

Psalm 46:10a

“Be still and know that I am God”

Peace, Please

During my 26 years of existence I have been fortunate enough to have done a little bit of traveling. I’ve seen a lot of cool places and have been a part of many adventures. One of these adventures in life came in the form of living in Texas for 4 years. Some friends and I went to an amusement park called Six Flags. I’m not particularly big on amusement rides but it was one of those, expense paid, team building events so I was joyfully required to attend. The day turned out to be pretty stellar until I looked at the next ride for which we were in line. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy roller coasters, I just don’t enjoy straight drops. I should say, my stomach doesn’t enjoy straight drops, resulting in me not enjoying straight drops. I pleaded and looked for ways to get out of this line but was not allowed to do so due to “team building”(as if team building did anyone any good). Finally, it was our turn to get into this ride from hell and my misery was about to begin.

The ride shot us backwards at 60mph in less time than it took for me to realize I had just wet myself. That wasn’t the worst part, that part was actually enjoyable. The worst part came when this ride took us up backward to a point where I was facing the ground 200 hundred feet up and stopped. As I was facing death, I wish I could say that I had the time to think about some manly way of handling this experience but before I knew it we were headed back down and out of no where I heard this blood curdling scream that sounded like a junior high girl when she got her first zit. The worst part is when I realized that noise had come from my mouth. Not in all my years of puberty had I hit such a high note. 

We got to the end of the ride and I was amazed at peoples’ comments. They all told me how much fun I had because I had screamed for joy. They were convinced that I had the time of my life. That is when I realized I had the façade of a god. And I’m not talking about my bulging biceps, chiseled abs and tree trunk legs. I don’t know how, but I managed to trick them all into thinking I had the time of my life. They didn’t know what was really going on and I was not going to tell them. This may be a silly story, but I don’t think I’m the only one with a solid façade. I think we all can put on a pretty face and happy smile, when in reality, hell is breaking loose in our lives.

It seems like when one thing goes wrong--everything goes wrong. Piece by piece if feels like our lives are falling apart. Something goes wrong at our job and if that’s not bad enough we start having problems at home in our personal relationships, the car breaks down and the list continues to go on and on. I began to go through one of these seasons in life and began to pray and just wonder why. I noticed as I prayed and continue to spend time in God’s word my problems did not go away. WHAT! I know, right! Once you’re a Christian, God is suppose to take care of everything and it’s suppose to be smooth sailing. The waves aren’t supposed to rock my ship. My problems did not go away in the blink of an eye like I had hoped, but I did notice a change in me.

As I sat and prayed and pleaded with God to the point of tears--something happened. My soul began to be at ease. The problems were still there and I still had to deal with them and am still dealing with them, but I had peace. The innermost part of me had been settled and an unexplainable peace came over me and rested my worrisome soul.

My outside circumstances didn't change right away, but the inner part of me did. Life still wasn’t going the way I wanted it to, but I knew it was going to be okay. It might not be looking good and it might not get better for some time, but it will be okay. I know, because I’ve been there when all you can bring yourself to do is get on your knees and somehow muster the words--Peace, Please.

“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” –Isaiah 26:3